Scattered and TOTALLY CRAZY!

I have always had a tendency to over do things in life. To please everyone and everything besides myself first, then leaving little or no time for me. I had been doing better with this the last year or so, or at least I had thought. Delilah has her schedule pretty well set, and I try to follow it to the best of my ability. Now we are adding the "solid" food feedings which changes a few things believe it or not. Anyway, Monday my Dad usually comes out, Tuesday I usually go to Berkeley in the morning and some out of the home chores on my way home, Wednesday is my play date day, or other friend's time, Thursday is Parenting group in the Morning, and the afternoon is Delilah's time with Lenore so I can get my not possible with baby chores done, Friday is a stay at home day, people can come to me day, Saturday is a get things done day, go out with family and friends ( and ideally I would love to get to a gymboree class, yet to happen!) and Sunday, the goal is church, however that arena is a whole other mess right now. So my life is scheduled out. NO MORE! Not to mention I have somehow manage to cook and clean. But the real problem is I do not feel like I have enough time to just be at home and hang with my kid. We both need that. So, I am trying to recollect and find what really matters. For the first 3 months of Delilah's life, we always went to others, now I am having those come to us. No more over extending because the one who really is suffers is my little one.

I needed to recollect myself this week, to stay at home, putter and play, and most of all, not worry about appointments, play dates, family, friends, cooking, cleaning. And so far, I have yet to accomplish this. So, my vow starting next Monday to start for one week to do only what I want to do, and I am going NO WHERE unless I want to go somewhere. Sometimes you just need to be at home.

Delilah is yet again teaching me to readjust my life in a way that demands of myself first then others. That I can only care for those around me if I have cared for myself first. I need to get back in touch with myself spiritually, and physically I want to be where I was 4 years ago when I met my husband. I am tired of this body that I feel does not belong to me. I am wanting to regain my creative side again, to scrapbook, to paint, to journal for me! And I am going to do this, and I will find the time, somewhere. So for this week, back to basics, as my darling daughter is teaching me, sometimes it is okay to be selfish and cry for what you want!