To Let Love help me Pray

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:18

I need to love with more than my words, and let me tell you, it is really hard sometimes. I want so desperately to live a life of Christ for me, and my child. Why? Because even if Christ is not the Lord and Savior, he was a man of love and compassion, something we all need a little more of. Someone we all should model our lives after. I sometimes find myself getting caught up in what others say, getting sucked into gossip and trash talking, and the hardest part is, I hate it, it is not who I truly am. I have also been struggling with being judgemental lately. Not thinking I am better than, but believing others should be better than they are. Who am I to judge them? Who am I to say what they should or should not be doing? I have no ground to stand on. Sometimes I wish I could start over with people, wipe the slate clean on which we have built a relationship and show them who I truly am, a child of God.

I know that my heart will show through, but honestly it is embarrassing behavior sometimes. And although a majority of the world does not see this behavior as anything abnormal, I do, because we live in a world where love is not the first thing show, we live in a world where fear and anger is shown, and I do not want that in my life.

I have been struggling with finding a community to grow my faith. Back in Petaluma I had a great group of people, I felt like I could challenge the Word of God and have him answer back so loudly it hurt. Now, I can hardly hear him. Dan and I have been to a few churches around, but none, seem to be the fit. I need a "home" to raise my child in. A home where I as the more "seasoned christian" can help guide my husband in his new, and fragile faith. And grow my marriage. I need a home where I can go and be sick and walk away feeling healed. I am needing this so much I can feel it in my soul. The other hard part is my child sleeps until 10am...most churches start at 10. Ahh... I know if I pray hard enough it will happen, for that I have faith. I just need to pray more...the catch....

Delilah taught me today that I need to ground myself. That I cannot go running around crazy like and expect to actually be productive. Delilah taught me that being bonded is a good and a bad thing, that the need to branch out and experience new things is important in order to gain comfort in unknown situations. Delilah has also taught me to pray again...