4 months

Today is Delilah's 4 month birthday. Crazy to think that she should only technically be 2 months three weeks. Amazed at how well she is doing, how she is not only surviving, but thriving. I am feeling very blessed that she is the baby she is. She is funny, snugly, calm, smiley, giggly and most of all lovable. I put her in her crib tonight, this is the first night, so far it has been 23 minutes, but hey who's counting? I thinking I am having a harder time than she ( well obviously since she is asleep!). It is even harder since Daniel is away on business. I am in a big bed, which suddenly became even bigger! I am not sure how this will play out tonight. I have a feeling I may need her in my bed. Funny to fight with myself over something I so desperately want, a child who sleeps well in her own bed. Anyway, we hopefully will finally start using her room for more than a diaper change!

As I reflect on the last four months I am overwhelmed by how many things have happened. Most very positive. Delilah has grown so much, and seems to be mostly happy, except for those silly teeth that are bugging her. We are going to the doctor tomorrow for her 4 month physical and for the first time I am not fearful, nor do I have something other than normal baby behavior to report ( or at least I think). I cannot believe at just how fast this is going, many parents have said to me that it goes incredibly fast, they were not joking.

Delilah has taught me more about what life really means than anything ever before. She has taught me to go and get what ever I want, to strive to be the best at what ever I do. She has also taught me how to be humble, and how to stand up for what I believe, and mostly she has taught me a kind of love I knew not existed. Happy 4 month birthday little girl....

School Daze?

I have committed a HUGE part of my life to school. I will be starting October 29,2008. I am scared. My head feels so fuzzy with all the info, the new path I had planned on starting two years from now. But now, I am starting soon, am I ready? This is a lot of money, and time. I decided I wanted to go for my BS in Business/ Management. I figure this way I can then double major in master of Counseling like I had originally wanted to do way back in high school. This offers so many options I had yet to think of. I will be attending University of Phoenix in Concord. I am also more excited about learning than I have EVER been. I am also so blessed because I can go ahead and stay at home with Delilah like planned and go one night a week and still finish with in two years. Such a God thing.

I had been struggling with what I wanted to do for so long, always getting discouraged by what others had to say in regards to my ideas, but not this time. I know I can be a stay at home mommy who has a degree and a career. A mommy who shows her daughter that you can go and get whatever you want in life and that NO ONE can stop you. For the first time in my life I felt like I had total control over my decision to change my life. That is a great feeling.

Today was a good and empowering day. Delilah has taught me that I can not only set the example for her, but for myself too. That I can go and get what I want, if I really want it I will make it work. Delilah taught me also today that baby kisses make the good day even better.

Delilah and Her Daddy

I am blessed. I already knew I was blessed before tonight, but tonight reinforced it. My husband is a great Dad, also a great husband. The best part is, Delilah adores him. At times this is hard for me, he can come home after a long day, scoop up the babe that has been crying for a couple of hours and some how, all of a sudden, she is okay. She stops crying, settles into her Daddy, and even cracks a few smiles. When I try EVERYTHING to make that happen, all she needs is him. That is good.

As we lay in bed this evening, Delilah in the middle, singing songs to her, watching her coo and smile, giggle and curl into a ball with excitement, I realized how unique our family is. Our family maybe small but it has a big heart. I love spending time together, and it seems as though that is not all too common. As I watch some friends travel the same life roads as I, I see my life taking such a different path than those around me. A path a little less bumpy, a little less scary, and I see how easy the choice is for them to choose another path, and then I get it. I get that I have faith, love and peace in my life which guides me. That God is there, showing me that my rough ride was a couple years ago, now my choice is that of love and trust. And I like that. I like that I am taking Delilah with me down this road rather than one of instability. I have also learned that if you put something out to the universe, that it does indeed come back. I am getting to be so blessed by so many good friendships, it makes my heart so happy. I felt like for so long I was giving and giving of my heart and soul, draining myself, so there was little left for me. And now, all of that love and happiness is coming back 10 fold, with new friendships with people who offer just as much as I have to give. That is a true gift.

My blessing for the day was the outdoors and good family and friends. Delilah taught me that today it is okay to have a preference for one person over another depending on where you are in your life. That sometimes someone has for you what the other does not.

A home is love

So today was a blessed day. I was able to see my godson Andrew again. I have missed him so much. That little life that brought so much joy. He is still the same blue eyed blond haired boy, sweet as can be just, BIGGER! Anyway, I am so glad I was able to spend a couple of hours with him.

I am having a hard time, a hard time with feeling like my time is not my time. That I give to everyone else. Not to my kid or to my husband, that is problem. Everyday someone wants me and Delilah somewhere, I want a week where we don't have to go anywhere, where we can just be at home and people can come to us. I don't want to go out except places that Delilah and I want to go, the park, the store, gymboree! I am also tired of feeling obligated to be at every event that people hold. I feel blessed that people what us around, but at the same time I wish they would leave us alone. I am tired today so I think that is why I am feeling the way I am.

Delilah was particularly funny today. As I arrived in the trader Joe's parking lot, she was fussy. I was helping to put her in the front pack for my Dad, and then I smelled it. Sure enough this is the 5th day in row where she as EXPLODED. She filled both pant legs today. WHAT A MESS! AHH. I even tried new diapers, nope does not matter she is just good at what she does. She also is now a giggling fiend. I love it.

• Today Delilah taught me to appreciate the home we have. I love that we the space and environment we have. That Delilah has brought a sense of peace and love to our home. A sense of calmness and sunlight. I love her toys and I love the laughter she brings. Delilah taught me you can make any place a home, as long as your bring love. Sappy I know, but it is true.

A rolly pully oly!

So on Friday night Delilah was playing on the floor and I was sitting with her. Dan was working on his laptop near by. We were talking and I mentioned I thought Delilah would probably roll over by the end of the weekend. She had been trying so hard, she was almost was over, it was that one silly arm that would not allow her to. So, sure enough right as I said that, "PLOP!" and she went over. It scared the snot out of her, so as I decided whether to laugh, cry, or do both, I scooped her up and gave her kisses and praise! I put her back down and she continued to roll over until she was exhausted. She gets quite frustrated once she gets to her belly. She makes a crawling motion, but that head, it just seems to get so heavy after a while! So I flip her back and we start all over again. It was all very exciting. In the same day she also started her "sleepy baby" eye rub. At first I thought it was accidental, then I realized she is doing it intentionally. Amazing how fast one little person learns to control their world.

As I watch my little one embark on this physically and mentally challenging step in her little life I begin to question how the big things in life become so little. I was missing the days when all I cared about was coming home from school, meeting my neighborhood buddies and riding bikes. Where my only worries were picking up my barbies and doing my homework. Now I am in charge of a little thing that is so very big. I am molding a human life, forever.

I have been reading a really good parenting book, not that I think I need an author to tell me how to raise my kid, but that is WHY I chose to read it, because I don't think I need it which most likely means I do. But as I read it I find myself getting frustrated at so many parents in this world. That what seems like simple parenting concepts, things that are so logical and positive seem so over looked, or "too difficult". I know I cannot rescue the world from pain and hurt, but it is hard to stand by and not shake parents by the shoulders and say " WHY DID YOU HAVE A KID IF YOU REALLY DIDN'T WANT THE 'TROUBLE' OF RAISING THEM?!". I believe that many parents have children for selfish reasons, when this should be the most selfless act there is. An act of pure love, and act of patients and guidance. An act to learn from and ENJOY learning from. AHHHH!

I was concerned when I had Delilah that I would get tired of playing with her on the floor, or taking her to the park, or singing to her, but you know, I realize I love doing those things. I love explaining things, watching her learn new things, and I realized that I love it because I love her. I love her so much it is emotionally confusing! To feel so many emotions all at once for one person. I find moments of sentiment, like her rolling over, bitter sweet. I am happy, over joyed, yet so sad too. Happy that she is growing and changing, and sad that she is growing and changing. Who would have guessed you can feel two conflicting emotions for the same thing!

Delilah has taught me today that I know I can be a good parent. I know I will not be a perfect parent, but she taught me that I am willing to try to provide a life where she can grow up feeling smart, valued, responsible, and most of all loved. And that I will do all of this through good times and challenging times.

belly laugh

Delilah laughed her first, repetitive belly laugh today. I picked her up from Grandma pinchy, and got stuck in traffic coming home. There was a Maroon 5 concert at the Pavilion so we sat. And she cried. Oh goodness, those tears, that deeply sad cry breaks my heart. So finally we get home and with great relief for both of us she was able to get out and stretch. So I we play, and nurse and then I got her ready for her bath. Our routine is nakey time on the floor while I run the tub. So as the tub was running I lean over her and sing the Maroon 5 song that goes something like, " I don't mind spending everyday, out on the corner in the pouring rain"...etc. etc. and so fourth. Well when I sang she will be loved she giggled and giggled and giggled. I called Dan in and she kept doing it. What pure joy. For both of us. She has laughed before, but this was the first true belly laugh. And I loved it, and I laughed.

It seems as if in the last 24 hours she has grown. Amazing, but true. As I went through her draws and closet today, I began pulling out 6-9 month clothes as my dear daughter has almost out grown the 3 months in length. Anyway, as I separated her newborn clothes into three piles, donate, sell and hold on to, I began to get a little weepy. I am having a hard time with the fact that she is growing so fast. That my sweet baby is getting so big, I feel like I am not getting enough of this moment. That I will forget everything. I want to bottle her. Her smell, her fingers, her little nose, and that sweet smile with sweet breath. And still I am happy to be exactly where we are. And I look forward to the next stage. So as I TRIED to not save every piece of small adorable clothing, for the sake of memory, I am finding myself already reminiscing about her past. Although a small past, she has one, and I am so glad I have the time to spend every moment with her, because I would be broken hearted to miss any smile from my little monkey.

Today Delilah taught me that I am blessed to have the moments I have with her. I met a Mom today in Starbucks ( a new friend I hope) who has and 18 month old boy Alexander, and is having a little girl tomorrow, Catherine. Anyway, as we chatted she mentioned that she had a daughter pass away at three months from SIDS. It made me so sad. She said that it showed her to not take one moment for granted. So, if I had not had Delilah there, I would not have met Katusha, there for not taken that small, yet so powerful of a statement. I will never take one moment with Delilah for granted, even our "hard" moments. I love her. And now, I live my life for her.

Good Night!

So today was a weird day. Delilah and I both got off to a strange start. The feel in the air was just off. She was restless all through the night, fighting sleep, which threw off her schedule. Then today we had plans that took us away from home, so that contributed even further. So as I sit here, and hour and a half past her bed time, and watch my child fight sleep I wonder how I can fix this. Not for my sake, but her hers. She is so tired. She even did her first "eye rub" today. Sad and exciting all at the same time. I fear tomorrow will only exasperate the situation further as Dan is having his tooth extracted and Delilah goes to her grandma's. So much for my couple hours to myself....oh well.
I had a nice dinner with my Dad and my sister Kirsten tonight. Delilah also joined us. It was strange being out with the two of them together, since we all had not shared a meal together in almost 8 years. I learned one thing for sure, all bathrooms in Petaluma smell the same, of dried paint, cow dookie, and old building. I guess I miss my home town and I don't miss it. The green and openness I miss, but the world inside of Petaluma I do not.

I am finding it strange how much Delilah is changing daily. It seems as though it is all happening so fast. Her facial expressions are not that of a brand new baby any more, she is growing, making me wonder what she is going to be like as an older child, a teenager, and an adult, but at the same time not wanting any of those things to happen. I had terrible dream last night that somehow Delilah was switched with another baby while out in public, this little baby I brought home had teeth, and looked like Delilah except she was older and had WAY TOO MANY CHOMPERS! So, I think I am having teething anxiety. We shall see how this one unfolds.

Delilah taught me today that one little soul can bridge together one big gap in hearts. That a common bond and ground can be found through new life of sorts. She also taught me that I can fall more in love with her and her Father every day, in a way I knew not possible.

Well thank the inventor of the swing, my child is FINALLY asleep despite all efforts on my part. I guess sometimes one must give into the world of mechanical baby devices. Off to bed with us.

Teething Fears and Tears

Yesterday should have been a day skipped. Daniel stayed home "sick" his stomach hurt, which by my standards was not really that bad, but eh, us women tend to push through the sicknesses until they are so bad they knock us off our feet. Anyway, having him around is hard enough, during the week. WHY? Because when he is home I feel like I cannot get anything done, and some how my house seems to throw up everything it owns, dishes left out and in the sick, trash piles up, laundry on the floor, it makes me crazy! It is not like the house it dirty, it just gets messy, and seems to grow when he is home. I find too I want to spend time with him so I put off doing other things. Granted, we had a nice time relaxing on our porch and playing with Delilah, but really it takes two days to make up for one. In addition Delilah cried almost all day unless she was being held, or in her swing. She nursed almost non-stop, but it was more of a comforting nurse than anything else. So I tried everything, finally Tylenol. I did not know what else to do. I believe my daughter is teething.

I realize that some babies, although rare, are born with teeth ( a little freaky, but hey), and many get teeth before 6 months. BUT NOT MY KID! She is already a biter of sorts, or should I say gummer. I cannot imagine what it will be like with razor sharp puppy teeth biting the most sensitive and tender area of my body! AH! My darling drool bucket convinced me to call the Dr. and bring her in, so...today was her visit. No ear ache, which is great, and yes the beginning stages of teething, but he said it can be a couple months before we even seen teeth. A COUPLE MONTHS?! So I have a couple months of inconsolable crying? Oh my goodness? I realize it won't be that bad. I found some homeopathic teething drops, mostly because I found out baby orajel can be toxic, and two I am a hippie no matter how I cut it. So Tylenol, drops, nursing and a lot of love hopefully will do the trick.

P.S. she also got a shot...ehhhh.

Delilah taught me two great things today, one, you can sell any toy to any parent if a child laughs in response to it. I was just perusing the isles at Target, picked up a really cool looking bug toy, it laughed, Delilah laughed and the three grandma's and one expecting parent picked it up, they sold out. I was one who also purchased this toy, why? Because I too am a sucker for baby laughs.
Delilah also taught me that I love to learn new things. I have been teaching her Spanish and Hebrew, also a touch of German. The Hebrew and German I am learning right along with her, the Spanish I know most of the basics, however as she grows so will the knowledge which means I will have to learn more along with her. Also I was listening to the WEE Sing for Babies, I am learning so many new songs. I love it, and she seems to enjoy my singing too, as she oooo oooo ooo oooo's a long with me. That is right my child sings like a monkey, seriously.

So I better go crawl into bed with my family, bundle up, it is windy and chilly here, and pray that with a little patients I can make it through my daughters tears with out my heart breaking. Also please pray for my friend and her baby Aubree, as she is facing some possible medical challenges, that my friend realizes that all will be okay and that God won't give her more than she can handle.

Social Butterfly

Today was our friend, Rob's birthday. He is the father of a little 11 month old named Kiera. She is wonderful, and so is he, in fact so is his wife. In the recent months we all have become quite good friends. It is so nice to be surrounded by parents whom adore and love their children! He reminds me so much of Daniel, so into his daughter, wrapped around her little finger. Daniel and Rob are both quite sensitive and doting. I feel blessed to have them in our lives. Anyway, we went to Rob and Jess' new home for a fantastic party. Delilah seems to really enjoy herself at these kinds of events, she is passed from person to person and does incredibly well, not crying or fussing at all. She is a little social butterfly. I guess she gets that one from me.

I have been feeling so full filled lately in regards to friendships. I feel like since Delilah has arrived I have been branching out more, meeting new friends and growing once stagnant relationships. Having so many wonderful people in our lives has been great. I feel like no matter what issue may arise I have at least one person to turn to depending on what it may be. I had dear friend from elementary school contact me this last month, we had not spoken in nearly 12 years, she too is married and has a little 4 month old. It was like we picked up where we left off. And so many new friends from parenting groups, or networking. And my good old die hard relationships, which seem to always be there when I need them, you know who you are! I feel so blessed that I can raise my child with so many awesome people around her. And me too! Friendships have been such a wonderful filling in my life. I feel like many are family, an extension, and from many friendships I am "gaining" new families. Friend's parents and siblings soon feel as if they are mine own, and seems to be reciprocal. That means so much.

Things have really changed for me in the last few years. Yes externally, I am married, have a baby, have had a serious career. However I mean more internally. I never would have imagined my life could be so comfortable, so full of wonderful things. I was thinking today that it is hard for me to find a "bad part" of my life. Daniel and I always have a "check in" everyday, question being " what was the best part of your day," and "what was the worst part of your day, and how could you have changed that?". I have a hard time finding a "worst part of my day". Often it is something silly like I am a dork and tipped over the laundry detergent ( which let me tell you is a pain in the behind to clean up...funny how something that is meant to clean is a pain to clean..? another blog perhaps?). So if that is the worst part of my day then I do not have much to complain about. And really that is about as bad as my life gets. Granted I have my days where I feel like the world should leave me the heck alone. That I want to sit on the pity pot and live in sorrow, but it is only a day, at most and it really is hormonal. I have a hard time with relationships with family sometimes, purely because I get frustrated watching the ones I love make things more complicated for themselves, and it irks me. And granted Dan and I have our biffs every now and again, but in the big scheme of things my life is good, really good. I feel like a totally different person that I was emotionally 5 years ago. That my appreciation for things is greater and my tolerance is much more. I love myself, which in turn allows me to love others. What a concept. Now...I still have to work on this body image thing...what is up with Mrs. Doughboy...JUST KIDDING! Anyway, I am glad I can feel the way I feel because I believe in my heart that it will bless Delilah allowing her to grow up feeling secure.

So, Delilah taught me today that being open and relaxed brings so many blessings that will forever be in our lives. That allowing myself to let go and let God, fills my soul and my family's soul with grace, love and peace.

waking on the wrong side of the bed

Today, a good day in hindsight, however we did not make it to our gymboree class. Why? My sweet child decided to sleep in, and if you ask me, that is fine fine fine. The last couple of mornings she has been stirring awake but not opening her eyes and crying, so I pick her up and she cries until I nurse her back to sleep. This continues a couple of times for a couple of hours. So today instead of fighting it, I let her sleep, and I slept to....and the day was grand.

I realized today just how much I love waking up to see that cute little face beside me. I do not care anymore about what some researchers say about co-sleeping, it works for me and my family. Everyone says "what about needing time for the two of you?". Well during those nights when I need that extra rest, or when Dan and I want sometime we have a bassinet. But for now my little one cuddles with me and her Dad. Now, granted she will not be there until she is 15, until she is sleeping solidly through the night and not needing to get up to be nursed. Then I will move her. As of now she sleeps from about 10:30 until 3 or 4ish, nurses goes back to sleep until 5-6ish nurses, back to sleep until 7:30 or 8. So our night really is not that bad.

Delilah taught me today that even non-crawlers are "mobile" as we discovered together. Dan and I watched her roll the complete perimeter of her play blanket. So exciting! When we first brought her home she was rolling over, that stopped at around 6 weeks, now she rolls to her side, almost to her belly then back....so we are getting close! I also learned today that even 3.5 month old's have minds of their own! She knows what she wants when she wants it and gosh darn it she is going to get it....oh goodness.

My feeling for the day was over all a little concerned as I read more about Dr. Sara Palin. I am concerned because I have a feeling she and McCain will be voted into office in November, and that as a team and individually they are not ready. I am not going to post my political views, but I do not believe the better of the nation is ready for Obama simply because he is a black man, so McCain is the choice. I do not agree. BUT, what makes me the angriest is that so many people my age are not voting! This is OUR future, OUR choice, it is time to take control and VOTE! This is also my child's future, and for her I will do anything. That is my ranting and raving for the day.

A raw nerve

My poor husband has hit a nerve, literally. He still has all of wisdom teeth and has been avoiding having them removed. Well now there is no choice. He has broke the crown off of one of them and now the nerve is exposed. I can only imagine the discomfort he is feeling. I was supposed to head out tomorrow with some girl friends to go wine tasting, however he is currently taking some pain killers that prevent him from functioning to his fullest, so I must forgo the tasting and take care of my two babies. In all reality though, I am pulled more towards caring for my family even though it would be fun, my instinct is to be near and comforting, I just hope the ladies understand that.

There is a lighter side, tomorrow I have the opportunity to take Delilah to her 1st gymboree class since I will be home. How exciting it is to be on the other side, to be the parent not the teacher or the manager! I CANNOT WAIT! Her little world is growing so big now. Today was not such a good day, she really woke up on the wrong side of the bed, a grumpy pants day as we call it in our household. I hope tomorrow is a better day. I began to get worried because I thought maybe she was getting sick since all she did was cry or sleep today, but Delilah taught me to be patient and not to jump ahead of myself, which I have a tendency to do.

Delilah also taught me something else VERY important yesterday. That I love the fact that I consider myself a "crunchy hippie" but cloth diapers scare me. I tried one for the first time last night, okay okay, not a big deal. Well of course the first time I put one on her little tush she decided it would a great time to EXPLODE!!! WHAT?! Okay, I realize this is bound to happen, but really did it have to happen the VERY FIRST TIME!?!! So the picture was great, I am up to my elbow with my arm in the toilet rinsing, ringing, flushing, rinsing, ringing, flushing. NO ONE TOLD ME THAT BREAST MILK POOP DOES NOT RINSE OUT! UMMM HELLO?! So I call my dear old Mom and was like what do I do? She decided she wanted to be out at the very moment. Stranded among a poopy mess, lost in shear paralytic fear of the unknown I make a bold move. BLEACH! Bleach solves everything! So I fill the bathroom sink with a bleach solution and plop the mess of a "more environmentally friendly" poop holder in. Thank God for bleach. And thank God for my washer and dryer.

I am not turned off. I am pretty sure I will be a cloth diaper at home mommy and a disposable on the go mommy. I am willing to give this shin-dig another go round, now, the mission to find the right cloth diapers for us...no one told me how obsessed I would be come over the best diapers....what have I become....a raw nerve!

Mommy Potty Mouth?

So today was a good day. I met with a parenting group for the first time as a play date in the park. Not that Delilah is playing in the park, she just would rather lay around a watch the leaves blow in the trees, but hey it was a nice outing. At any rate I met some really neat people. They are all kind of "crunchy" hippie Moms, so I do share some of the same parenting values as they do, however just like all the Moms in the group, I do what feels natural so in some aspects I may not be as extreme as they. I realized today however, that I, like many other parents out there begin to question my own parental judgment based on over thinking, and over reading, not to mention listening to complete strangers and take their every word as parenting gold. Delilah is beginning to teach me to stand up for what I believe is right, and for the first time it is not all about standing up for the sake of standing up for myself, but rather now I am standing up to stand up for Delilah. Time to set out running.

I also realized today in my own little world of Heidiness, that I do indeed have a terrible vocabulary. When I first met my husband I hardly said a cuss word, and I had not heard one come from his mouth until about a year and a half after dating. I realized how susceptible I am to what is around me. I take on my environment. I realize I have been using serious expletives for not so serious things, and that habit came about while hanging around others who do the same. By no means does it justify my mouth, nor excuse it, but is does help to explain it. And I hate it. I realize that half the time I even use these words I am not even thinking if it, and worst of all, I know I am smarter than that. My high school English teacher would always say, and God Bless her for it, "May you find elevated vocabulary please". So that is my new phrase. Elevated vocabulary. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN IN A MOMENT OF SHEAR MADNESS OF A TIRED MIND? It means I need to take a breath and redirect my thinking. Something I want to be able to pass along to my daughter, the ability to find the route of what is causing the need to feel so frustrated. Someone once told me that hurt and anger are "cover feelings" for a larger emotion called fear. I know many times when slimy words exit my gaping mouth it is during a time when I am finding it hard to identify what I am really feeling and go off of a cover emotion. Now is the time to change. And so I hope my husbands mouth will too!

Delilah taught me today that sometimes you do not need a reason to be grumpy, it is okay to just have "moments". Amongst her quick, fleeting emotional states I saw her go from happy to confused to sleepy to hungry to just plain grumpy all in a matter of moments and I realized I do that to, as do I think most of us, I just do not wear them on my sleeve. My question to myself is, was that a learned behavior base on societies standards for what is acceptable, or is it something we all naturally loose, the ability to wear what we are feeling openly?

My Life with Delilah

So my sweet Delilah is turning 16 weeks this Friday and I am having a hard time remembering what my life was all about before her. I find that my days seems to be so filled with joy and excitement that I cannot imagine it any other way. Delilah is now finally settled into a "routine" of her choosing and it is fantastic. She is approaching the time in her little life where she is almost completely self entertaining, but still needs a mom very much. It is so much fun to see her play with her toys, by herself, but get so excited with she suddenly spots her Mommy watching her! And now as we go out, she is looking around and taking in the world in such a pure, non-judgmental way, that I envy her sometimes. The trees are something to be aw-struck by, and I think, when was the last time I really just let the trees capture my whole attention?

She has been teaching me so many things I had never thought I needed to learn before now. Like the gift of "letting go" and enjoying what is happening right now, in this moment. Her sweet smile has been teaching me to smile more, and realize that so often I walk around with an expression of concern rather than joy, when in my world there is no need for anything but happiness. Delilah has been teaching me the enjoyment of true sleep. She is a fantastic sleeper, really we get about 6-8 hours, but to really appreciate sleep is wonderful. And the best, is family.

My husband has a love for our daughter so light and genuine that I find it hard to express with words what I feel when I watch the two of them together. And the likewise love she has for him is so sweet. When he comes home every night and scoops her up, her face lights up with a HUGE smile, a smile that is so flirtatious and sweet. He has the gift of calming her when she cries with his kiss, and I believe that is because she know there are no conditions on his love for her, and never will be. I love to watch the two of them play, to giggle and coo, even happens as he changes her diapers! I am so blessed to have married him, to have him love me so much, and to feel that. My little family is love.

I have realized since having my little girl arrive in this world, how much family means. To me, to her and us to them. I am blessed beyond many to have such a large and happy family. I have the greatness of having three families, my Husband's family whom I adore, and they are all so kind and thoughtful. I am grateful that Delilah spends time every week with her "Grandma Pinchey" and "Papa Boon". That the love and tenderness Delilah receives while with them will forever help shape that little soul and heart into being a strong kind person. I am grateful that they desire to be with their grandchild, and express that openly. I am grateful for my father and "smom", Grandma and Grandpa. The excitement I see when they just watch her, stare at that little sweet face listening to her, waiting for her cuteness to get cuter. I feel blessed that they will offer Delilah a view of personal growth many do not ever enlist in their own lives. That they can be role models for her. And my Mother, Gamma, Delilah will learn the delicate way of looking at the artistic side of the world, and will not go with out kisses from her Gamma. She will teach her to pay attention to detail, finding beauty in all of natures little things. And my siblings, how may aunties and uncles she has. The goofy, and strong Uncle Matthew, who is so head over heels in love with Delilah it makes my heart melt. And Auntie Tascha and Uncle Joe, I know they will encourage the gift of knowledge and "out of the box" thinking. Auntie Kirsten and Uncle Dustin will be the game players with little Delilah, the cookie givers and the park lovers, and she will always know she is loved by them. And last but not least Auntie Carrie and Uncle Gonzalo. I know they will give my daughter the love to explore the world, to try new things and never be afraid to take off and have an adventure!

And last the gift of her great grandparents, Papa and Grandma North. Not many children are able to have great grandparents around. And right now I think she is more of a gift to them than they are to her, yet. As I watch them watch her, I find my heart happy and sad at the same time. I know that they may not be long for this world, and yet their life experiences are so many that the rich relationship they can provide for Delilah is endless. And I think that the love that comes so late in life is a long of absolute purity and generosity. And that Delilah will never forget.

I think everyday day how much my life means, not just to me, but to another human being. I have the best life I could ever ask for. My Husband and I are so in love and my husband is even more in love with our Daughter, which makes me fall more for him, how silly! And I love the little life that came from me more than words can express, she is the best thing my God could ever give me, she is my blessing every day.