Mommy Potty Mouth?

So today was a good day. I met with a parenting group for the first time as a play date in the park. Not that Delilah is playing in the park, she just would rather lay around a watch the leaves blow in the trees, but hey it was a nice outing. At any rate I met some really neat people. They are all kind of "crunchy" hippie Moms, so I do share some of the same parenting values as they do, however just like all the Moms in the group, I do what feels natural so in some aspects I may not be as extreme as they. I realized today however, that I, like many other parents out there begin to question my own parental judgment based on over thinking, and over reading, not to mention listening to complete strangers and take their every word as parenting gold. Delilah is beginning to teach me to stand up for what I believe is right, and for the first time it is not all about standing up for the sake of standing up for myself, but rather now I am standing up to stand up for Delilah. Time to set out running.

I also realized today in my own little world of Heidiness, that I do indeed have a terrible vocabulary. When I first met my husband I hardly said a cuss word, and I had not heard one come from his mouth until about a year and a half after dating. I realized how susceptible I am to what is around me. I take on my environment. I realize I have been using serious expletives for not so serious things, and that habit came about while hanging around others who do the same. By no means does it justify my mouth, nor excuse it, but is does help to explain it. And I hate it. I realize that half the time I even use these words I am not even thinking if it, and worst of all, I know I am smarter than that. My high school English teacher would always say, and God Bless her for it, "May you find elevated vocabulary please". So that is my new phrase. Elevated vocabulary. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN IN A MOMENT OF SHEAR MADNESS OF A TIRED MIND? It means I need to take a breath and redirect my thinking. Something I want to be able to pass along to my daughter, the ability to find the route of what is causing the need to feel so frustrated. Someone once told me that hurt and anger are "cover feelings" for a larger emotion called fear. I know many times when slimy words exit my gaping mouth it is during a time when I am finding it hard to identify what I am really feeling and go off of a cover emotion. Now is the time to change. And so I hope my husbands mouth will too!

Delilah taught me today that sometimes you do not need a reason to be grumpy, it is okay to just have "moments". Amongst her quick, fleeting emotional states I saw her go from happy to confused to sleepy to hungry to just plain grumpy all in a matter of moments and I realized I do that to, as do I think most of us, I just do not wear them on my sleeve. My question to myself is, was that a learned behavior base on societies standards for what is acceptable, or is it something we all naturally loose, the ability to wear what we are feeling openly?