whatever it is

My Lilah is sick this week with strep throat. It really is a nasty bug, mostly because as a mother of a child who cannot tell you where "ouch" is, my only clue is a fever. My darling bug was so sick and sad, so again, antibiotics. I love this little person so much, that when she is sick it is as if a part of me is ill too. She has go "whatever it is" so to speak that melts my heart.

We were planning as a family, to head to Monterey this weekend, however with the state of affairs among our little family's health, I believe we will have to pass on this. I believe this to be blessing in disguise. I believe that our family needs to slow down, and have sometime being together without having to go go go. God has seemingly been quiet in my life, or rather I have not been listening very well, so I suppose it is time, since he is now yelling, to slow down and pay attention again.


So whatever it is....we will accept, embrace, love and listen.....God, Spirit, Love, Peace, illness, sadness, happiness......

Where we have been

Life is busy, as it always has, but it seems as though my "free time" as definately been less in the last five months. I cannot believe how fast everything is going. All the parents I have known have always told me that time flys, and now I know what they mean. Lilah is now almost 14 months and talking and signing up a storm. She says the following words verbally:


NO! (VERY CLEAR!)
Baby
Ball
Baba(bottle)
more
Yotie(Grandma's Dog)
Papa
Mama
Dadda
Hiiiiiiiii
bye
uh-ohhhhhhhhh
wow
doggie
cat
tag
book
yesssssssssss
Lilah
Jess
Rob
Eyes
Mouth
back
ouch

My darling also uses signs like CRAZY. I am finding myself having to learn new signs every day.
All finished
More
Nurse ( of which she uses ALOT)
drink
eat
flower ( and uses it abstractly too! cute when she sniffs her nose)
please
fan (she uses this one for wind too)

I am loving everyday with her. She is getting so close to walking, she has taken only two steps at a time, but she has done this several times. It is so exciting to watch my daughter grow, and learn and absorb all that is around her.

Delilah is teaching me to take life in stride. Sometimes you fall down, and it is frustrating, and it is okay to cry or whine for a minute, but in the end, you have to get back up again and keep trying to walk.

Where oh where is Delilah Mae?

My Delilah, who is 9 months 3 weeks, 15lbs, 27.5 inches long, and healthy.


My Baby who loves her pals....



My Angel, who is the light of m life.

My stubborn, already displaying teenage-like
tendancies, cracks me up, I am in for a big one, daughter....

My Happy girl, who laughs so hard it makes me cry!
My Social Butterfly, who waits for strangers to acknowledge her, just so she can flirt!
My Curious Girl, who looks for silly things to amuse herself, all the while amusing me!

Chicks

I have found my girls. Acceptance into a circle of friends, without judgment, without fear, is an amazing feeling. There are three new friendships, three new life-lines, and they call themselves the chicks with sticks ( sticks meaning crochet!). I love them, these coffee chicks, they are everything I have always wanted, and NEEDED! We all went out the other night, a girls night out, and I had the time of my life! We wined and deserted, and we were treated like VIPs by a very, suave Moroccan man, the owner of the restaurant. We laughed so hard we cried! Some drank so much ( not a lot, just enough) I saw a side I never knew existed in them ( I LOVED IT!) and we talked, but all in good humor and with love, for each other, for sisterhood. Our bond is being women' being mothers, and being wives, and all that those things bring. It is a say anything kind of group, to speak what is on your mind and to expect completely honest feedback. I am blessed. Thank you to my Chicks.

I do not need my desires.

Someone said yesterday, actually at my Pastor's installation ceremony, that to find your balance your must first find your center. That resonated in my heart, and in my head, and I cannot stop thinking about it. It made me want to examine where I am out of balance in my life, and where is my center. The pastors were talking about being balanced in regards to creativity and gloom, but this is true in so many places in life. I realized I am out of balance with care for myself, and others, in addition to my needs over desires. So where is my center for these two things? Can I care for others while caring for myself, like a two-in-one? Are my desires really needs or are my needs my desires. Emotionally I am feeling fairly well balanced, which for me a BIG surprise, so since that is okay and I have found my center that way, I can now explore the scale in other areas. BUT HOW? How to I begin a quest of finding my center, a place that creates fluidity and stability, among desires and needs, among caring, service to others, and then to myself? I think, I need to break this all down.
My needs, my needs are basic, for is that what the word truly means? I have a need of shelter, a need of healthy food and clean water, I have a need of clothes ( enough for each day, and no more), I have a need to have quite, a need for company and love. I have a need for comfort, of my spirit and heart, I have need to be able to care for my daughter, and I have need to grow my marriage. These are only a few needs. So as I wrote this I started to think, do my desires out weight my needs? Yes, of course. My desire to have a new Prius, my desire to get a new mattress, my desire to redo our bedroom, my desire to by an all new wardrobe, etc and so forth. But I realize that my desires have NOTHING to do with furthering my love of life, they are THINGS! I really do not need any of my desires. Some may say that dreams fall into the category of desires, but I believe the opposite.I believe that my dreams create a need, a goal to better my life with a lot of hard work.
Now, caring for myself, in balance with caring for others, this is one I must meditate on, because finding a center of this is very hard for me. I tend to go to extremes for both, and although since I have had Delilah, I have become better about ask for time for myself, I tend to worry more about everyone else before myself. I realize I do this because it makes my heart happy to provide a sense of happiness, love, support, warmth for others, and when it is my time to turn that back on myself, I get lost. Strange how it is so easy to do this for someone else, but become so clueless when it is time to bring it back round home; so to speak. I am going to pray on this. Can you pray with me? Can you also see what is out of balance in your life that is in need of a center, because I believe if I have other people who can examine some of the same issues at the same time, it helps me reflect on myself...perhaps you can be my light?

AMEN, I'm Alive

I am finding myself facing forward and running as fast as I can into the next chapter of my life. My birthday is this week, and although I am not one for a big celebration, I realized that I have so much to be thankful for, and to embrace. I have been here on earth for twenty-something years, and although in the big picture of things, that is not a long time, I have experienced many things that the oldest of old have not. A lot of my life has been filled with trials, and it seems as though only in the last five years, I have had no real worries. Granted among those five years, I have suffered emotional pain, loss, and a fall from my God, but all that time I have felt loved, and loved myself. I have always looked at my life based on the saying that goes something like.. " you may have it hard, but remember someone always has it harder". I realize that despite the unpleasantness in my life, had it far worse that me.
As I go into this next year, I see all that has happened for me this last year and what is to come. I will be celebrating my second wedding anniversary, I will be celebrating my daughter's 1st birthday, we hopefully will be getting into a home at the end of the year, I am halfway though school come October, and I have no needs. I am also blessed to have made and maintained so many quality relationships this last year. Delilah has brought grace and tenderness into my life and brought out a part of me, that I love. Daniel, my love, he has stuck with me, even in my craziness, and still loves me and is an awesome father, even if he does try to get out of diaper duty! And my family, I am the richest woman in the world to have the family I have, I have THREE great families, whom are always there for me.
This week, my baby had her first overnight with her grandparents, she crawled twice, and has four teeth. I love you more than the sun and the stars, as Matthew West says!
So, Amen, I am alive and really living!

My Lilah

My darling. Her humor is amazing. Tonight was the best night our family has had yet. She is growing into herself, and finally feeling well enough to embrace her silly 8month old self. Delilah has had a double ear infection for at least two weeks, although Daniel and I suspect she has been in pain much longer than that. My heart is broken for the pain that she was in, and yet we did what the doctors, moms, dads, grandparents, and books told us to do. We feared that our daughter was changing, that we were loosing the silly, funny, loving daughter we had. That was painful, and very very scary. So tonight, as the antibiotics finally started to help, we had a funny, ham of a daughter, laughing, playing tricks on us, and getting us to be as silly as possible! She is so beautiful! I always have known I am blessed, and even as things were bad ( and yes they were bad, and I held back many tears!) I knew I was blessed, but tonight affirmed that my daughter is more of a door to God that I ever knew before. I believe that children are as close to God as we adults allow ourselves to get ( not all, but most). Why? Because they are pure, they offer only what is happening in that moment, they do not carry garbage around, they do no let their feelings towards someone affect their love towards you in that moment, they show God's face in their beautiful smiles, smiles that come without force, but with joy! And, children's affect on us big people is contagious, the giggles, the letting go, the love! God reminds me in so many ways to "have a little faith in Me, I will be your friend, until the end", as the song goes, and I choose so often to not hear those words, but I tell you, I AM LISTENING AND ALWAYS WILL LISTEN TO THOSE WORDS, if I have nothing else! I will remember, that God is always there, and sometimes, I have to look a little harder to be reminded.
Thank You, God, for my happy, HEALTHY, loves of my life!

In the Clutches of Mommy and Daddy

I remember being little and sleeping on my Dad. Snuggled against his chest, breathing his breath and smelling him. I remember him being so tired from working that day, that often he would crash before I would, but I was content with my thumb in my mouth and my blankie at my side. As I look at Delilah, and see her only sleeping in Mommy and Daddy's bed, and last night, only in my arms or Daniel's, I realized that this is love. She loves us so much, as I love my Dad so much that nothing else means more.
Delilah and I had plans this morning to attend a mother's bible study, I was/am very excited, however last night my darling decided that, one; she should not sleep ANYWHERE but our bed, and two; she wanted to play at 1, 4, 6, and 7 am. And of course sleep until 10. So we missed the gathering, but I have faith that God will let me know when the right time is to go, because as of current, it is not happening. I miss the ladies who invited me, and I want to see them so very badly, but I know they understand more than anyone what I am faced with.
Right now my daughter is sleeping, peacefully in my bed for her nap. For some reason the crib is now her worst enemy. I am not sure why, but I figure if there is that much fear and sadness, than I must nurture her comfort and provide a place where she feels safe enough to rest. At some point I know she will be ready to move back to her room, her space, but for now I need to listen to her calls and my instinct.
I am learning this week that I show love in my own way, but often that is overridden by rudeness, or anger. I get so frustrated when life is out of my control ( yes this is still an issue, always an issue!) and that manifests itself in feeling overwhelmed, annoyed, and resentful. I need to remember the phrase "let go let God". There are days when my plan flies out the window, when my ideas will NOT work, and that is something that is very hard, but I also realize that is the time God is speaking to me the most. A day like today, Delilah and I would not have had the wonderful morning we had if I had rushed her, awakened her, tried to strap her in the car seat and go. So in a sense God's voice is coming through Delilah to me.

It's easy as 1, 2,3,4...I love you

Love. That is it for my week. I need to love everything, everyone, why? Because love is all you need. I realize that sometimes I go through my life saying I love this, love that, and love you, but really I do not connect with those three words, I love you. What do those three words mean to me? I have heard them and said them so many times, but really I have never embraced them. There are so many kinds of love out there, and I don't think I know them, so this week, I am going to learn about them and share them! Here are some of the definitions from Webster, have you read them before...?
1 a (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love for a child> (2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> b: an assurance of love love>2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>3 a: the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration love> b (1): a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2)British —used as an informal term of address4 a: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1): the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2): brotherly concern for others b: a person's adoration of God
( Merriam-Webster, 2009).

So love can be romantic, endearing, desire, tenderness, admiration, concern, and God. God is love! I realized after reading 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 this morning, that I do not act in love, not often show love the way the Bible requires us, I am a clashing cymbal.

1If I speak in the languages of humans and angels but have no love, I have become a reverberating gong or a clashing cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can understand all secrets and every form of knowledge, and if I have absolute faith so as to move mountains but have no love, I am nothing. 3Even if I give away everything that I have and sacrifice myself,[a] but have no love, I gain nothing 4Love is always patient;13love is always kind; love is never envious or arrogant with pride.Nor is she conceited,5and she is never rude;she never thinks just of herself or ever get annoyed.She never is resentful;6is never glad with sin,but always glad to side with truth,whene'er the truth should win.[b]7 She bears up under everything, believes the best in all, there is no limit to her hope,and she will never fall.8Love never fails. Now if there are prophecies, they will be done away with. If there are languages, they will cease. If there is knowledge, it will be done away with. 9For what we know is incomplete and what we prophesy is incomplete. 10But when what is complete[c] comes, then what is incomplete will be done away with.

11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways. 12Now we see only an indistinct image in a mirror, but then we will be face to face. Now what I know is incomplete, but then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13Right now three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I know in my heart that I get annoyed and I am resentful, a lot more frequently than I have ever been, and i am ready to let this go. I am ready to bear up under everything, I am ready to embrace what love is. My plan this week is to place hearts around my house with the verses I have just posted above, to remind myself to act lovingly not only to those around me, but to myself and to God. I want Delilah to know what love really is, not just what the words mean, but how to apply them to all aspects of her life, and who am I to teach something I thought I had mastered but really know very little about?

My Valentine

Valentines day is coming soon. and I am so looking forward to celebrating with my little heart. As my life has changed this year, so have the holiday meanings. I was fantasizing today while driving of Delilah in school, making valentines for her classmates ( which we always did in our family), and getting excited for valentines treats. I used to love valentines day, with hearts EVERYWHERE! Today my little valentine was dressed in a heart dress, looking particularly sweet. I have had a good last couple of days playing with her, experiencing her. This life is going so fast, and I am bracing myself...trying to take our days together one day at a time. I am glad we had a tough couple of weeks, because I have learned from my Mommy friends that this time, their time, flies by, and that I will never be able to get this time back.

Good Morning

I am blessed. That is a good way to start the day I think. Delilah and I had a MOPs meeting this morning, but decided to for-go the play group and sleep. Yes, sleep. Delilah finally went to bed, after I took her, nursed her and then lay her in her crib with a shirt of mine...yes it worked. She slept until 5:55am this morning, then came to our bed, and nursed for about 1 minute and slept until 8:35. Finally, some routine back! I have to say, I was not sure what to do with myself last night, I had so much time on my hands once she was in bed. I wanted to focus on homework, but I decided to rest, facebook, and revamp my bloggy look. I am glad I did. This morning I feel rejuvenated, alive again, and ready to join the world.
Delilah and I are off to Petaluma again...fortunately it is sunny and bright, not any rain falling, so on one hand I hope it stays that way, and the other hand I know we could use some more droplets! Delilah has been teaching me a lot these last two weeks. She has taught me, in conjunction with my dear friends and family clarifying, that babies grow too fast, that even when times are hard, listen to my heart, cherish EVERY moment and they mean EVERY moment, because before I know it these times will be gone and I will miss them. I never understood why people would always say time goes so fast, or this last year just flew by, or as I get old the time seems to get shorter...well, I understand now, I get what they mean, because all of those things are true. Life, life really is just a flash, and I feel like I need to make a significant memory for everyday because I can never bring back yesterday....amazing. I look forward to a good day with my Delilah, a day of playing, of nice walks, of seeing old friends and family. Today is going to be a blessed day.

My Tears

Delilah has been sick this week with her first REAL illness. She has had a wicked virus, with a temp that reached 103.6 degrees, can we say SCARY! We have made it though the rough part, or so I thought. Last week into this week she has been over needy, nursing like crazy, not eating OR sleeping well, and wanting only to be in our ( me and my hubbser's) bed. It has been draining. So I decided to get her "back on schedule" tonight. I put her in her crib, she was clean, fed, dry, and happy. That last MAYBE two minutes and the wailing began. Oh and did it go. I do not believe in letting her cry it out. For whatever reason it goes against all of my instinct, and I have yet to this day let her cry more than five minutes. I thought tonight maybe I have been wrong, maybe it is time to let her tough it out, even though she has always been able to self-sooth before. So after talking with my Dad, whom I adore and value his opinion on child rearing, he said let her cry for 10 minutes, if she can keep it up that long then something other than wanting to play at bed time is up. So I let her cry, and cry and CRY for eight minutes, and I could not take it anymore. My heart broke, I cried and even now I write this I am having a hard time holding back my tears. Her cries where like I have never heard before, the kind where she sobs and cannot catch her breath. I went it and scooped her up, and held her while she tried to suck in air, but still had occasional bursts of sadness.We cried together, then I brought her to our room and she nursed to sleep. Finally I was able to put her in her crib with a shirt of mine, for my smell.

I am at a loss, I am not sure what to do. I spoke too soon about my child who would go down to bed awake and now....now not during the day nor at night will she let me put her down. I am at my end, sad, and tired, and I am not sure where to go with this. I need all the mommies I can get, all the advice I can absorb because none of us can live this way! I love her so much that like tonight, it hurts. I cannot let my child feel scared or abandoned. As every mother knows there are different cries for different need, but tonight was a cry I have never ever heard...and that was beyond my cool. I pride myself on being a lax and down to earth Mom, even a hippie of sorts, but having a child ALWAYS wanting to be held, it gets to be overwhelming...so where to my Mommy friends?...what shall I do with my Delilah who will not be put down during the day without crying, and will not nap anywhere but my arms, and does not want to go to bed anywhere but in my bed? WHERE TOO? Do I let her cry? Is this a phase?

My Baby you'll be

After a long hard day I finally am finding the time to sit, and to be creative, something that has been lacking for me personally for a while now. My husband is house sitting for his parents, so I have the house to me, and Delilah. She is in bed, the house is cleaned, and I feel no need to rush to bed to spend what little time my husband and I seem to have together. Granted I would much rather have him here, but in a sense I was able to create my own space tonight. This home we have created has become such a sanctuary to me, and it is rare that I can fully embrace that. It is quite, with no expectations. How nice.
Delilah, today, was tough. I realized parents love their child for days like these. She decided she did not want to make up her mind for what she wanted, but clearly did not want anything offered. Her tears made it hard today to put her down, to have a moment to myself to regain my sense of balance. She decided that napping was NOT for her today, and that she wanted to be held, but really did not want to be held. So at last, after fighting nursing, and finally taking a bottle she settled down in my bed. Breathe. It was today I realized just when I thought I wanted to scream or put her in her room and close the door, she came back at me with the cutest smile, or sweetest noise. When I had had enough she did something so cute and funny it was hard to continue being upset. And just a few moments ago, when I moved her to her crib, I did not want to put her down, I just wanted to hold her, kiss her. I love you for always, I will like you forever, as long as you're living my baby you'll be. That is a line from a book from my childhood that seemed to ring true tonight. I love her so much my heart almost hurts, and when days are hard, she reminds me that it is all for a good reason in the end.

Tired of Tires

I sit here at the tire shop, thinking a lot about what has happened in my life lately. All the reasons I have to be grateful for, all the times I have had the choice whether to be sad and mope, but instead I have chosen to take life as it comes and find a blessing in it. I was feeling sorry for myself about 15 minutes ago because I just dropped $400 on tires. That is a lot of dough when you also have to get the car smogged and get its regular check. I was stressing that we would be really tight, but safety is not a sacrifice I was willing to make. And then it hit me, a lady came blustering through the door, demanding her car should be finished in x amount of time, and that she needs a discount and that the tires are all a rip off, and I got it.She is my lesson. I realized I am blessed to be able to put tires on a car, I am blessed to have a car, and a safe one at that. I am blessed that I get an hour of relative quite to sit and think about all of this. I am blessed that my husband was not just willing, but happy to stay with our daugter as trekked off to care for our vehicle. I sometimes need to put things in persepctive. I need to realize that I would not only considered fortunate in most of the world, but wealthy, I have a roof over my head, with nice things inside, i have a full fridge and pantry, and CLEAN RUNNING water, I have electricy, two cars and health insurance. AND I have God. I begin to doubt Him sometimes, thinking he is not doing enough for me, and my family, that if he really loved us he would help us find a way to make more money, or pay off bills, or by that new car we so want. He does help us all the time, every time we have NEEDED something God has come through. We have never gone with still needing, all of our needs have always been met, and then some. I feel like a huge struggle is gluteny. Not just on a large national level, but on a very personal level. So in the big picture, yes fourhundered dollars is a lot of money, but at least I have it!
Delilah is AMAZING! She is keeping me straight this week. Her smile has is making my heart get to the point of happiness I feel like it could burst. Last night we were so lucky to spend the evening at my Parents home, with my Grandparents as well. Delilah and I did not get home until well after midnight, so, me being me, I asked Dan if she could maybe just crawl in bed with us for the night? Of course he said yes, so she snuggled in and then decided it was time to pull out all of the cute stops! She began talking and cooing, and yelling and squealing, and Rolling back and fourth, and as hard as Daniel and I tired, we could not ignore her to let her settle in to sleep, it was a moment in time that needed to be seized. So the three of played and laughted until it was clear it was time to settle to sleep. I let go last night, and I did not worry about breaking a schedule, about getting hyper when it was time to be quite. AND I LOVED IT! I love her and I love my husband.

In Control

Control seems to be my theme this week. It is presenting itself in so many ways, I know that God is putting it there for a reason, there are TOO many lessons to be learned about control and I seem to have to be learning them all this week!
I have found as I have gone back to school that I feel more in control, and in turn that has given me a sense of power and confidence within myself. I like feeling that I can control my actions and reactions, and for the first time in my life, it does not seem like a big picture, that control is actually pretty simple, at least when it comes to my personal bubble. I have the ability to control what happens in my head ( most of the time ) and the ability for what comes out of my mouth
( although that Mommy Potty Mouth thing is still a wing dinger)! I am working hard at eating right and working out my body, I feel like even if I don't loose the weight I desire, I am in control of HOW I care for myself, and I like that, that is powerful. I have also begun to realize with knowledge comes a sense of control over my interaction with the world. The more knowledge I have, the more I can manipulate the way my course goes. I am not here to take my ride as it comes, no, I realize I have a much greater path and purpose than that, and that is a great sense of control.
Delilah, oh my darling. She too is taking control of her life, or at least attempting to. She has learned that she is indeed separate from Mommy and Daddy and that makes for some trying times. She feeds herself ( mostly) and wants to move like the big kids, but still does not have control over her body. She is learning that with vocal ques she can control those around her quite nicely, and if she wants something, cause and effect are fantastic concepts to have. Delilah is teaching me a lot about how to give up control as well. I am a micro-manager ( a joke between me and my Dad, but true), and I hate that. I admit I like the way I do things, I like the sense of control I have when I know the outcome of things. I like the way I cook, I clean, I drive, I manage. But sometimes we need to let go, no, I need to let go. Delilah is teaching me that I do not have to be in control all the time, that there are times when chores are okay not being done the way I would do them, or even at all. Delilah is teaching me that I cannot control the mess of an almost 8 month-old's meal time, and that bath time means splash time, and there is more joy in watching her play and make water fly than worrying about the extra shirt I will need to wear creating EVEN MORE laundry than before. I love watching Delilah discover her own sense of self. She is signing all finished now, and now that she has correlated what that mean and when to use it, she uses it for EVERYTHING, including while I am trying to get her dressed!
I am also learning how to be controlled. I am learning that there are restrictions in the world that despite how unfair some of them are, they are necessary. I do not like the fact that I cannot eat all the cookies I want ( well I could...) and that I should drive the speed limit, and that when you go into a contract with someone you must follow through even if your plans have changed. I am learning that being controlled helps me to set up personal limits as well. There is an unspoken way the world operates, and that is a control issue. I have been struggling however with those who are in control, those who take their control to extremes and make it a POWER struggle when one does not need to do so.
Control brings on many emotions for me, have had periods in my life, where I have felt so utterly out of control that I had felt like I could never get it back. I have also been through times in my life where I have felt too in control and needed to loosen up. And there is now, where I feel like I am finally obtaining a balance of control, of living freely, while still maintaining a sense of self restriction. This ability to keep it level is giving a great organization, feeling that slowly I can bring fun and exciting things back into my life and step out of the daily grind I have been in for a couple of months. Time for me to get back to life.

Where oh Where has my little blog gone?!

Okay finally a moment, with relatively little obligations outside of myself...my daughter, who is now 7 and a half months old is contently playing, and my husband is still sleeping. It is a WONDERFUL morning of sunshine and happiness, and FINALLY I can sit and enjoy my time to put some thoughts and milestones down.

The holidays were nuts, truly nuts. With three families and this being Delilah's first Christmas and Hanukkah, it was more than important to see everyone! She is one spoiled girl, with more gifts and than anyone else, and out of everyone, needed them the least. But she enjoyed unwrapping, and most of all enjoy the wrapping paper...it tasted so yummy! We had an awesome time, but we were extremely busy. Delilah's teeth fully came in ( the bottom two) and she is using them well.

Cheerios and Puffs are her new favorite to eat. She likes the independance of feeding herself, including cut up squishy greenbeans, bananas, apricots, etc. It is so exciting to see her doing this. I love watching ( and introducing) these new things to her...and seeing her recognize she can do it herself...it is great! She is working on her top teeth, although I think it will be a while before we see anything. Delilah has also begun the attempt at crawling, but lets me and Daniel know very clearly that she is not too happy about it! Oh and my darling dramatic daughter ( not sure where that comes from?) has learned now to cough/choke to get attention...hahahaha...not. She does get a reaction, everytime...so it works. Her vocabulary is growing day by day, we have Mama, which is clear, and various other attempts at words, Dada, is almost there....and Papa...yay!

Getting back into a schedule has been a little tedious, as school is taking so much of my free time, and when I have free time, I choose now to sleep. I am looking forward to setting up my days again with play groups/dates, walking, library, and farmers market ( I miss my buds and their little buds too)! Now since Delilah interacts and plays so much more, I think it would be even more fun than before to play!

We are moving, again. I am hesitant to say it because then it becomes real. I am excited about the where we are moving, the prospect of packing, organizing, and making it all work, it overwhelming! We are moving into a house, I am so stoked about! It is in Walnut Country, by Turtle Creek, a nice area on the border of Concord and Walnut Creek. It is a 5 bed 2.5 bath home, HUGE!! We will have two rooms.... HUGE rooms, and will be sharing the home with another family, who have a one year old. I am so excited, because they are such dear friends, but again this could have potential down falls ( of which we are both aware of). They are however gone most of the day, so that will give me some time to have quiet....or alone time. The rent is better and the neighborhood will not have drug deals, and scray people ( yes I live in the ghetto as of current). So this will hopefully all occure in April, we are working on getting out of our lease based on some civil codes they are in violation of...so wish us prayers, luck, good thoughts!

I am going to post, I am making the commitment to myself...AT LEAST two times a week, I miss this...and you ladys who are reading this, you know who you are...PLAYDATE, ASAP!!!

Delilah has taught me a lot this last month, but mostly about love. How one can have such a pute and grateful love, amazes me. I never knew I could feel this way, and it grows more everyday right along side of her. I value my family so much!